So…it’s been quite a while since my last update. Believe me I’ve had plenty to say just not enough time to say it. Now that finals are over and my break is MUCH less hectic I have decided that it is time to say the things that have been on my mind lately. : ) This post I’m going to spend some time talking about me. I feel like I need to get some things off my chest. So here goes.
Starting from the beginning, I have this boyfriend and he’s great and I care so much for him, but he also has a LOT of verrrrry pretty friends all of which happen to be girls. For those of you who don’t know me I’m probably one of the most self-conscious people you will ever meet. On top of that I have like severe trust issues. Thus creating the problem I am discussing today. It’s not necessarily that I don’t trust him around his friends because I do…for the most part. It’s mostly that I feel so self-conscious and insignificant when I think of all of these pretty people he surrounds him self with. The trust problem comes into play shortly after that thought. How can I trust him not to hurt me when he could leave me at any moment for someone prettier or better than me…
I have been trying to not let it get to me, or bother me but there was a certain incident involving one of his friends that has brought these feelings on again only stronger. And no matter how hard I try I can’t help but feel unimportant…idk.
While my bf told me I have nothing to worry about that he doesn’t see his friends the way I do it is still nagging at me. *heavy sigh I know that I’m being trivial but I just can’t help it. I hope that by writing it down and getting it off my chest maybe now I’ll be able to move past it and just hope that he’ll always see his friends as just that friends…. thanks for listening.
The guts it's taken you
Just to say what you mean.
Let's do this right tonight.
Cause there's no in between.
The self-deprecation of
What you put your faith in
Has brought you to your knees.
You're waiting at the starting line,
What if the gun is empty?
- Framing Hanley
Blogs: When No One Else will Listen, the Internet will.
ReplyDeleteOn topic, don't worry about it. Your a great person and I doubt he is going to let ya go. Just saying.
Rachel, I love you! For several reasons. One, when I have insecurities like this I push them away and don't deal with it. So I like that you can write about it. Secondly, I second (ha)what Brian said. I think you are beautiful! And so does Someone with a more important opinion than me... :) Psalm 139 always seems to rid me of my insecurities. Anyway, I hope your break is only getting better and I can't wait to be reunited and eat Panera and procrastinate and do all that kind of collegiate stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteCan I just say that I have never met someone with so much life as you? You are gorgeous and one of the funniest people I have ever met and I love you to pieces! Plus I don't think you have much to worry about, he wouldn't drive all the way to Springfield to see you if he didn't care about you! You're too good for insecurities :)
ReplyDelete-Kate
rachel, you are beautiful. that's all that needs to be said--inside and out, baby.
ReplyDelete